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2. Your questions answered

3. News and events

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“I’ll just take care of it…” 🙃 

Situation: This often comes up when we feel the need to do things ourselves. Because we don’t feel sufficiently supported, or perhaps we think we’re surrounded by people who won’t really get it done “right”. Or perhaps we’re just so exhausted and the thought of having to teach someone else how to do something just sounds like the worse choice.

Usually, underlying this statement and mindset is a need or desire for control. Because being in control makes us feel more safe. More in the know. More capable. More prepared. All things that usually bring us comfort and eases the anxiety of the unknown. This underlying need for control is especially heightened for high-achieving people. Those people who set high standards and expectations for others, and even higher (sometimes unrealistic) standards for themselves.

When looking at the surface, this approach actually may seem ideal. It gets things done and delivers results. It minimizes the involvement of others. Reduces the risk of miscommunication There is definitely a short-term gain from this approach, and this is what we often see with high-achieving people. They constantly are able to do, do, do and the accomplishments and recognition keep piling on. While this mentality could lead you to getting things done, and probably even in record time—it builds up resentment over time. Resentment towards others around you. Resentment towards the situation you’re in (and allowed yourself to stay in for too long?). Resentment towards yourself because you constantly find yourself here, where you’re left having to take care of things and get it done.

Shift: The next time you find yourself saying these words after a sigh, “I’ll just take care of it.”. Pause and ask yourself one of these questions:

“Do I really need to do this myself?”
“Who else around me can take care of this?”
“What can I do to invite someone else in helping here?”
“How do I really feel about doing this all by myself?”

While sometimes it is appropriate to handle situations solo, just that pause and consideration of who else in your life or at work might be able to contribute or handle it could be freeing. It could allow you to see things in a different perspective and perhaps in the future, even allow you to let go of that tight grip and allow someone else to take a bit of the control.

Let’s practice this and call this increasing your flexibility. We’ll expand further next time on how this mindset can be applied to different parts of your life.

💭 ❓️ QOTD - Question of the day

Your question: “How do you fit everything in your schedule and make it look so easy?”

My response: I don’t fit everything. I wish I did, but alas I’m human just like you. 😃 This reminds me of a part of Michelle Obama’s book, Becoming. Here, she was talking about how she and Barack maintained a sense of closeness together while they were in the height of their busy-ness during his Presidency. That simple approach was:

She always held herself to schedule her priorities, rather than prioritize her schedule.

I love this because it is a mindset that can apply to everything we do, whether it’s growing relationships in our personal life or working towards goals in your career. When we schedule in what is most important to us (our priorities), that is giving it the space, time, and energy that it deserves to become a reality.

Another thing I’ve recently done more of in the past year, is to cut down. I list out what I think I can do or want to do, and then I ruthlessly prioritize it down. There is nothing more paralyzing and de-motivating than to see an endless wishlist or to-do list. When in doubt, cut down. It is impossible for us to do everything we want to do in this short lifetime. The sooner we acknowledge that and start choosing what we really, really want to get done, the more free and successful we will be in actually doing it!

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🌍️📆 News & Events

• I will be speaking at a conference at University of California, Davis next Saturday, Feb 8! My topic is called The Intentional You: Own Your Life + Career Without Losing Authenticity. I used to think I had to separate my life from my career, in hopes that others wouldn’t see me as “unprofessional” and that I wouldn’t lose trust from team members if they saw vulnerability in me as a leader. However, over the years, I’ve come to learn two important lessons:

  1. It takes grit and courage to show vulnerability and authenticity as a leader, and those are what build and maintain trust

  2. You cannot (and shouldn’t try to) truly separate personal life with your career; they are deeply intertwined with your identity and both help enable feelings of purpose, passion, and fulfillment

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